Christmas Eve Nostalgia

To know me is to know my sentimental heart (duh), and nothing stokes those whimsical flames quite like Christmas Eve. It’s my very favorite day of the year. I feel giddy with the love, hope, faith and anticipation that swirls around me and I feel a great sense of peace knowing the work is largely behind me and now it’s time to focus on the fun, the traditions and the reason for this season. We’re so close to this day yet again and I am thinking about all the Christmas Eves I’ve been blessed to have. Thirty nine in all now. And even if I can’t remember each of them in vivid detail, I still carry pieces, feelings and memories of each of them in my heart.

As a child, Christmas Eve was mostly spent with either set of grandparents. If we were in Clinton Corners with my father’s family, we were enjoying classic Christmas movies by their fireplace and eagerly awaiting Santa’s visit, which was always ‘played’ by my Uncle Mark. Of course we never knew this and we were delighted to see Santa on the Big Night. My father’s side of the family is Jewish, but you’d never know it by how special they always made Christmas for my siblings and me. We were really lucky to have these holidays together.

If we weren’t in Clinton Corners, we were in Brooklyn with my mother’s family. I loved being in New York City for Christmas. We’d walk the few blocks to Dyker Heights to check out the world-class Christmas light displays and I’d always marvel not only at the lights and decorations, but also at the smells coming from each home. Every home SMELLED Italian, with sauce surely simmering and pastries baking. Often there were residents lining the sidewalks giving out candy, and sometimes Santa would even make an appearance. After, we’d always go to my great grandmother’s house if it was a Brooklyn Christmas Eve and all my mother’s aunts and uncles and cousins and extended family would be there. It would be loud and hot and chaotic, but I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. One year, my mother was having so much fun there that she didn’t want to leave to go home to Poughkeepsie. So my father told her we didn’t have to. He quietly got into the car and drove the two hours home to get our Christmas presents, and then drove the two hours back to deposit them underneath the Christmas tree before morning. We awoke none the wiser, believing in our hearts that Santa had found us even though we weren’t home. I didn’t know it then, but I know now that my father showed me everything I’d ever need to know about love and devotion in that one selfless act. He loves us so much that he forewent sleep to make our dreams come true. I’ll never forget the sweet and special intentions behind that surely exhausting endeavor.

As I grew up and married, Christmas Eve changed a little. As a newlywed I was living 1,200 miles from home, in Dayton, Ohio. Being child-free, it was easy to still make the 12 hour drive home to New York each year, and so we did. Our last Christmas in Ohio was extra special because that was the one that I found out that I was expecting Blu. I was about 6 weeks along when we made the drive on Christmas Eve, stopping twice at two different Bob Evan’s so I could satisfy my craving for vegetable beef soup. We arrived in Poughkeepsie just in time for dinner, where I presented my parents each with a picture frame telling them they were going to be grandparents to another child, this time mine. I really cherish that special memory.

In our Texas years, we were parents to young babies. It wasn’t as easy to travel home, so we began to make our own traditions. One of my favorite Christmas Eve memories from Texas was in 2009. We invited a ton of friends to share it with us in our home. I made my massive pot of sauce and meatballs and we must have had 30 friends in our not-so-big home. My meatballs fell apart for some reason, but that didn’t seem to matter. The camaraderie was incredible. The night was capped off by Handsome Pants arriving as Santa and delivering toys to all the kids. I’ll always love that special memory.

Another Texas Christmas Eve that stands out was 2011. My twin sister and her daughter were with us following Pup’s birth and we had so many fun and special times together. But the one that stands out most was actually hysterical. On Christmas Eve night, while drying her clothes, some of my sister’s clothes started to burn! Really, this should have scared us and we should have taken it more seriously, but instead we laughed so hard we cried (and probably peed). It can’t all be sweet and sappy, so there’s a funny memory for you.

When we moved to New Mexico we were even further from family, so we continued to make our own traditions as a family of four and with our friends. We only spent one Christmas Eve in NY during those years, and it was without HP. He was deployed to Afghanistan, so I traveled home alone with the babies. Sometimes I’m surprised I lived to tell. Flying across the country alone with little ones is not for the faint of heart, but we all survived. Once there, we all huddled around a laptop on Christmas Eve in my mother’s kitchen and watched as Handsome Pants, already well into Christmas morning in the Middle East, opened a Christmas gift that I had eagerly anticipated. For months leading up to the holiday, I had worked with all of our friends and loved ones to create an album of pictures and letters and cards to surprise him with on Christmas. We got to watch in ‘real time’ as he opened this surprise and it was oh so special. Being apart for Christmas was hard, but this made HP feel closer to home. I’m really glad we pulled that one off!

Our final New Mexico Christmas Eve was super special, too. We spent it on a trolley with good friends, taking in one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen: The Luminaria Tour in Old Town Albuquerque. This breathtaking display of candles cannot be put into words. If you ever have the chance to see this, please do! I’m so glad that we did.

Our assignment to Massachusetts brought us closer to family, but we had already become accustomed to mostly spending our Christmases on our own, so we continued that tradition, but made sure to see our families in New York and Maine either before or after Christmas. So, we spent our Christmas Eves with friends both those years and made some wonderful memories that will dwell in our hearts forever.

We’re in Virginia for the second year now, and it will likely be our last one here before moving on to parts unknown. This year, our Christmas Eve will hold a unique and wonderful opportunity that we may never get again. We were fortunate enough to land tickets to the candle-lit service at the National Cathedral in Washington D.C. and we feel so lucky we could pinch ourselves. I cannot wait you take in the history and the nostalgia of such a hallowed house of worship blended with the presence of the Holy Spirit while we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior. And of course, for a sap like me, there will surely be tears during such a magical experience. I’ll be sure to report back.

Do you have a special Christmas Eve memory or tradition? A holiday custom that you look forward to each year? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

Happiest of holidays to everyone, and thank you if you’ve made it this far. I wanted to get my thoughts and memories ‘out there’ while they were at the forefront of my mind, and I figured it would be fun to share them with you all in the process. Wherever you are, whomever you’re with and however you celebrate, I pray you feel peace and love and wonderment this holiday season and forevermore. Much love and warmth from my family to yours.