Some of my friends know about my cancer and the fact that there is not a cure, only ways to slow it down and try to mitigate it. And many who know me do not know about this. I keep it very quiet in my day to day life, for reasons I’m not quite sure of. Is it fear of looking weak or vulnerable? Is it fear of being viewed as ‘sick’? Is it because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me? The truth is, it’s all of those things. I’ve thought about this a lot over the past few years, as I’ve watched my patches of skin lymphoma spread and flare a bit, as I’ve undergone biopsy screenings and new treatment options that I had hoped not to ever have to use but became inevitable, and as I’ve kept all of the fear that goes with that largely quiet for the reasons I listed above.

About two years ago, as I prepared for a round of life-changing Brachyterapy Radiation, I became resolved to be more open about it all. My cancer is with me for life, and every day I pray to God that my life is a long one, at that. I’m convicted to peel back the stigma I’ve created in my own mind. The idea that I will be viewed a certain way because I have cancer. And I want other people who are facing similar scary health conditions to feel empowered to do the same. Cancer (or any other disease) doesn’t make us weak. It has made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. And a strength like that is worth sharing. That feeling has led me to sharing my disease more openly with my children. I was tired of hiding it from them. And in sharing openly, I truly believe I made it less scary for them. They can ask questions at any time, they can pray with me and I feel better knowing I’m being fully transparent where I most need to be. My kids are my motivation every day to fight to stay on the healthy side of this disease. When a treatment sounds scary (and sometimes they do), I picture my daughter's two year old hands that wiped my tears after my initial diagnosis, and my son's tiny body, that God knit together in my womb when nothing else about my life felt certain, and my husband's unwavering, steadfast commitment to always support me through my consults, treatments, worrying and tears. I know that they are my true source of strength. And blessings that powerful are 100% worthy of being transparent for!